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Male Bashing Jokes
Q: What does it mean when your husband is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Q: Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
A: Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Q: How are husbands like lawn mowers?
A: They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and most of the time they just sit there serving no useful purpose.
Q: How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
A: We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
Q: How do men exercise on the beach?
A: By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
Q: How is Colonel Sanders a typical male?
A: All he thinks about are legs, breasts and thighs.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
Q: What do you call a man with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
A: Exchange him.
Q: What should you give a man who has everything?
A: A woman to show him how to work it.
Q: What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
A: Put the remote control between his toes.
Q: Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?
A: So men can understand them.
Q: Why did God create man before woman?
A: Every masterpiece begins with a rough draft.
Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: They have a low tolerance for snoring.
Q: Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
A: Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Q: Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
Q: Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
A: When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
Q: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
A: They all already have boyfriends.
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